just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
