ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
