Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize