she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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