I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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