are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
