Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
