I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
