I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize