i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize