fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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