btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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