i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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