I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Two words: blizzard sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
