no. you can't hotbox the world.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
