I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
