I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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