people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
