You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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