its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
