my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
