I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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