I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
