apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
so much tequila, so little girl.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
