Whod you bang
My friends, they love my intelligence
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
