Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
