where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
