Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
