I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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