Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
