Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
