She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
