dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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