i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
