The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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