It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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