My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
false alarm. still invincible.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
