My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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