I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize