It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
