u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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