I'm really into asian looking animals
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
