im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
