Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
