i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Every concussion has its silver lining
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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