Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
