just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
tell me about the eggs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
