I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
