...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
