well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize