You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
