We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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