My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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