Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have post one night stand depression
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