Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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