it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
