I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
