you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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