So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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