need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
