You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
