I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My cat gives me a boner
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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