Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
