if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
