can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
