just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
