I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize