so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
