I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize