I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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