my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
